Parenting is one of those strange things. You hope and pray you do the best you can at raising your children. You hope you can be a good example and teach them all they need to know about being a good person, about right and wrong, about how things work, about how to treat others, etc. There is SO many things to teach your children that it can be a bit overwhelming at times. I normally don't worry about it. I try to do my best and hope I don't have a child that looks back one day and tells me all the things I could have done differently. I know I'm not perfect and there are things that I know I should have done differently already. That's what makes me human. That's what this life is all about. We are here to learn, grow, change and improve.
Last week I told one of my friends that I really enjoyed Brooklyn's age right now. We have fun and enjoy being together. This week, we've had our ups and downs. I still love and enjoy her, but sometimes I just can't figure this kid out. She never ceases to amaze me with some of the things she tests me with. These aren't big things in comparison to things I know will come one day, but I still catch myself not knowing how to handle them. And if I can't handle the little things, what in the world am I going to do when it's a big thing?
Monday was a holiday and we were all home together. We decided to go swimming for something fun to do together. Brooklyn has been begging us to go swimming for awhile now. We used to go quite often when it was only her, but it's harder now to take more than one kid swimming. After Monday, I now remember why I don't go alone. Brooklyn completely freaked out in the water. Marty and I were working with her on some things to get her confident in the water and help her learn to swim. She was paranoid from the second she placed her first foot in the water. She had a life jacket on and still had a huge amount of fear that she was going to drown. We couldn't get her to logically see that she was not going to drown. She did manage to learn a few things, but not without a ton of crying and screaming. It was completely frustrating as a parent. You want your child to learn and progress, but we were unsure how to address this fear she was having. She ended up crying when we had to go and told us that she had no fun at all. Gotta love kids sometimes.
Today was free day at Hogle Zoo and I decided that would be something fun to do. Brooklyn had preschool so I couldn't go until the afternoon. This is usually nap time, but figured Eliza would sleep at some point during the drive so I decided to go anyway. We also dragged a friend and her kids with us so we all drove up together. Everyone was so excited. That is until we came upon the first window of monkeys. Brooklyn completely freaked out again. Fear like I have never seen from Brooklyn, especially at the zoo which is somewhere she has been several times. She did not want to get close to these small monkeys that were sitting calmly on a tree branch behind glass. I mean come on, how scary is that? Maybe she's just starting to enter a fear stage, but I swear no other children act like mine. Is this normal?
We also had a major meltdown when my friend went into the gift shop and bought her children something. Brooklyn, of course, has to have everything like her friends so she wanted what they were getting and I was not about to fork out that much money for a small notebook and crayons. I offered her a small candy or to have nothing and she continued to pout and cry. Let's just say she left with nothing, but not without her mother becoming very flustered and frustrated. My kids rarely get things from gift shops at the zoo so hopefully it was a lesson learned by Brooklyn, but it's hard to tell. She knows the whole "take what you get and don't throw a fit" saying, but still doesn't quite follow it. She pouted all the way home and told her dad yet again that she had no fun at the zoo. Why do I bother trying to have fun sometimes? It always seems to come back to bite me lately. :)
Hopefully Brooklyn's current behavior is related to her excitement of her birthday next week and not some sign of how a 5 year old acts. Yikes!
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
Where did I go wrong?
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7 comments:
Parenting is the most frustrating job on the planet. You can have major ups and feel like they are finally understanding some things, and then have major downs where it feels like they have forgotten everything you've ever taught them. I lay awake at night sometimes thinking of everything I have done that could have caused certain behavior. I think it's normal for parenting....I think or hope so at least.
Hang in there, I think you're a terrific parent!
I think parenting is the scariest adventure I have taken on. You are doing great. I'm sure these fears will disappear eventually.
You are not alone. I have thought this many times. Especially when my oldest repeats a "joke" or word that I think he should know is not appropriate, but he thinks it's funny. Or when my middle child cries over the silliest things (I guess they're not silly to him) or when my youngest can't be contained and I don't think she'll ever learn what sharing is.
Parenting is hard and you are so patient and awesome at it.
It really makes it hard when they don't appreciate all the plans you make and fun things you do. I totally understand that situation.
Because she has been to the zoo and has been swimming and never acted like that before, it would seem that it is just a phase, (but isn't that the cliche thing to say) but I know that doesn't make it any easier. Good luck! If you ever need to spend some one-on-one time with Brooklyn, Eliza can always some over and play with us.
I HEAR YA! Kids are kids though, and they come how they come, sometimes you can only be a spectator. You are a great mom, and I totally know how frustrating it can be. She may have a lot of anxiety about her birthday? going to Kindergarten? I have come to find the more I stress the little things, the worse I seem to make everything! Relax Ang, you really are a great mom :)
I too am right there with you sometimes. I had a moment where I freaked out right after I found out #3 is a boy, deep down I'm scared to death to raise 3 boys in a row. They are so active and I just want them to grow up to be good men. I hope I have what it takes, but I worry constantly that I might not do it right. We took a love and logic class and something the instructor challenged us to do is pick that one child that you feel like you are struggling with the most and for 24 hours show overwhelming love to that one child, offer them lots of one on one time if you can and for that whole 24 hours don't apply any consequences (odds are if you are right there by them playing with them and showering them with extra love for 24 hours they can't get into too much trouble anyway, or so her theory was). Carter has been my challenge as a mother. He just does things his own way and I've tried to understand how his brain works, because it has seemed so foreign to me. The 24 hour challenge opened my eyes to a lot of things, He's a really great kid and he needs more love. He was so good over that 24 hour period, and from there we were able to build on it. Over the past month or so, I've noticed that he's acting different and I understand him more because of some other things that my eyes where opened to. I thought I was doing okay at sharing control with him, I wasn't. I've been letting him have more with things that don't really matter and he feels big. He is more willing to compromise with me. Something the instructor taught us is that stubborn kids need less reminders, less parenting, less suggestions, because they'll often do the opposite if they feel like you own the only good choice. I was always doing the opposite with him for fear he would make the wrong choice. As I'm stepping way back and letting him make his own choices I'm seeing we haven't done such a bad job, he's making the right choice most of the time and learning from it when he doesn't, but the key is HE owns it, not me. For a stubborn kid that's a big deal. Anyway, long long comment, I'll go more into it when I get some time and share what we learned from the class, but I feel a lot better about parenting now.
I think you are doing a great job, I have no doubt that she'll grow up to be a great young woman who will make you proud and reflect good parenting. Hang in there, I know it's the hardest thing ever sometimes!
I saw the title of this post and got a little worried. But after reading the post, I thought, oh yeah, I go through this same stuff too! I think we all think we've gone wrong somewhere. I like what you said about the fact that we're all human, and we're all learning and growing. It's so true!
You're doing a great job at being a mom. And hopefully the swimming and monkey things will be gone by next year!
Don't worry, you're doing a great job. Josh was terrified of the water for a couple years after an underwater churning experience at a water slide. He taught himself to swim a couple years later on a road trip staying in hotels with pools. Now he's a little fish.
All kids push the limits. Brooklyn is adorable, so smart, and has great parents - all will work out!
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