12 weeks

This week was my 12 week mark for this pregnancy. It was a week I honestly thought might never come. March was a rough one for me. I can't really explain this pregnancy sickness this time. It's so strange. The drugs I take to help with the nausea and the drugs I take to help with the side effects of the nausea pill don't settle too well with me. I found the less I moved the less I was sick so I chose to not move very much. Well, not moving had it's side effects as well. The main one being that I've completely lost my strength and stamina. I'm trying to slowly gain it back, but it's hard. I went shopping at Target today for about 30 minutes and I needed to sit down a few times. Sad. I'm so out of shape. I'm really looking forward to this warm weather (not today with the crazy wind, but nice warm weather) so that I can get out and walk. Even if it's just a little each day. It's hard though because I feel sick more when I do. Such a vicious cycle. I truly hate it. It's been rough on my whole family.
12 weeks finally brought my first doctor's appointment! I switched doctors this time and she doesn't see her patients until 11 weeks, but I had a conflict last week so it was moved to 12 weeks. It was honestly the longest wait of my life! My last doctor would see me at 8 weeks so a whole month longer was excruciating.
On the day of my appointment, the doctor's office called and told me my doctor had a family emergency and wouldn't be in the office. I was bummed to say the least. However, my doctor has a intern she has been working with for several months and she was still seeing patients. I was completely fine with seeing whoever I needed to see as long as I heard the baby's heartbeat. At least that happened! Hearing the baby's heartbeat for the first time is one of my most favorite sounds! I know I've been sick so I should have no concerns, but hearing the heartbeat makes it so much more real. It was a relief to hear and yes some tears were shed. Loved it!
Now I'm just hoping my body wants to give me some relief once the first trimester is officially over (next week) and that I don't have to wait until 19 weeks (like my last two). I can always hope, right?

Three

Today Marty celebrates? thinks about? I'm not really sure, but today marks three years of Marty serving as Bishop. I know I shouldn't be counting, but I am! CRAZY!

An almost perfect week!

Last week Marty attended no church meetings during the week. Thanks to the caucus meetings, church meetings were cancelled Tuesday and Thursday. Wednesday was our anniversary so he took that night off to be with me. He was home every. single. night. LOVE! Now if only I felt better so I could have enjoyed it more. However, it was lovely having him home to help with the girls at night. Did I mention I loved it? :)

Nine

Nine years ago today it was a rainy March day. Not exactly what we planned for the weather, but the rain made the pictures awesome! I've had nine amazing years with this incredible guy! I'm truly one blessed and lucky girl!
Nothing too big planned for today to celebrate. Marty did take the day off, which is pretty perfect for me. We will also make it out to dinner at Texas Roadhouse (Marty's favorite since food isn't my friend right now). That's about all I can manage right now when I'm not feeling 100% yet. I am now 10 weeks pregnant! It makes me feel good to finally be in the two digit numbers at least. :)
Happy Anniversary to us! Apparently it's Pi day as well. I hadn't heard of Pi day before Facebook came to be. We should have served pie at our wedding. Who knew?

Happy Birthday Brooklyn!

This post is better late than never! I finally felt well enough to get the pictures downloaded from Brooklyn's birthday so it's about time for this post!
Brooklyn turned 6 on Thursday, March 1st! My amazing and talented husband stayed up late the night before making this! I wasn't feeling well so it was his responsibility to make the cake. Fortunately, he's much better at decorating cakes than me! We did have a cake pan of Pablo, but the cake didn't come out as well as expected so he had to improvise a bit. He truly amazed me with this one! Brooklyn and Eliza loved it too! Eliza is already requested a Tasha cake. :)
Brooklyn had a fairly boring birthday as far as birthdays go. I wasn't feeling well so I couldn't make it as special as I would have liked. Marty was working so we did the best we could. She opened one present in the morning and then went to school. She had fun getting cards from her friends in her class and sharing a birthday treat (brownies!) with them!
After school, I decided to get her a Happy Meal at McDonald's even though she told me she wanted Panda Express more. I was going for close and convenient and she understood. It turned into a big ordeal to order from McDonald's though so I might as well of taken her to Panda Express.
She opened a couple of friend gifts during the day.
I watched a movie with the girls. Wait, correction, I tried to fall asleep while they watched a movie. It didn't work too well.
Marty came home for work and we had planned to make something for dinner, but it was almost time for people to arrive for Brooklyn's family party so we decided to get her Panda Express. We ate out twice in one day. Horrible! She was happy though.
Then finally, finally, finally, her family arrived! She was very much focused on the presents this year. I had to remind her it was great to have family there too.
She was beyond excited that her favorite cousin, Sariah, came! This is one of her presents to Brooklyn. She LOVES Littlest Pet Shops!
Brooklyn waited all day to open her "big" present. She thought the box was huge, but really it wasn't too big. I guess she's just used to opening smaller presents. She was happy, which was a relief since she didn't even ask for it.
Brooklyn and Eliza made a pact with each other that if Brooklyn let Eliza open one of her gifts, Eliza would let Brooklyn open on of her gifts on her birthday. I'm not sure Eliza really understood this agreement, but she was happy to have something to open. It's always hard to be the sibling when it's not your birthday.
More presents!
A pretty new dress was one of them.
We better take time to read the cards!
Cute cousins. These two are 2 weeks apart in age.
I love this picture because it shows her pure joy. She was one happy girl!
Then it was cake time. They both admired the cake.
Make a big 6 year old wish!
Still happy! Lovin' her ice cream and cake. She wanted everything chocolate, however she had to have different colors of icing in order to decorate it.
And finally, here is the birthday girl with all of her spoils! I believe she got everything she wanted! Lucky girl!

My new normal

I announced on Facebook that I'm pregnant for those of you who may have missed that post. The hibernating post had nothing to do with being pregnant, it was seriously the fact that I had nothing to post. Now I'm a little behind on posting because Brooklyn had her birthday, but I don't have the pictures downloaded yet so I begin with this post.

I'm trying to come to terms with the fact that my miserable daily life is my new normal for a few months. I'm trying to think of it as just another chapter in my life. Albeit, a horribly boring and depressing chapter. I literally lay in bed all day, well as much as possible. I do my best not to move so as not to aggravate the nauseousness. Some days it works and some days I know the inactivity is killing me too. I try to will myself to do more, but when I stand up and feel the need to be sick, I lay back down again. It's a vicious cycle. I do take Zofran, but I'm afraid it's not really helping so than I wonder why I take it. It does help me keep somethings down, but not everything. I dread food. My kitchen makes me sick. The doctor tells me to keep drinking and eating nutritious and that just might kill me. I know it's important, but literally nothing sounds good. I wish I had some craving just so I would want to eat something. Yes, I still eat. I have to. I'm like a newborn baby, feed me every 2-3 hours. Then I'm so full it makes me sick. I don't even eat that much, but I still feel so full. I try to do this to keep the nausea at bay. Some days it works and some days it doesn't. I fear eating because I don't want to have it reappear later. Some foods just don't settle well and it scares me to play that guessing game.
I literally want to roll up in a ball and sleep the next 10 weeks away. When I sleep nothing hurts and all is well in the world. However, everyone has to wake up. I do take naps, but even some days that proves to be the wrong choice.
I don't mean to whine. It breaks my heart to complain and whine over something that I have wanted desperately. Marty and I had been trying to get pregnant for 17 months. It was a very hard time in my life. I was angry, sad, frustrated, and confused to name a few of my emotions. There were some very dark months during that time. I was bitter toward so many of you who could have beautiful healthy babies. My empathy to those people who struggle to conceive was expanded. I know my time frame was short compared to so many others. So as I complain I try to think of those who would give anything to feel the way I feel right now and some days I feel like I would give it to them if I could. However, they are on a different chapter in their life.
There is one thing I cannot deny. One thing that my testimony was strengthened of during my trial, is that none of us are alone. I felt loneliness during that time and sometimes I still do (who doesn't?). However, I do know my Savior Jesus Christ was and is with me. He helped me get to the point I needed to be in my life where I finally felt what I had was enough. I learned to stop comparing myself to others so much. I didn't need what everyone else had. I only needed what the Lord had in store for me. Now I know he will help me get through this hard time as well. It's not very long in the big scheme of things, but it feels like forever to me right now. I take it one day at a time, sometimes one hour at a time.
I see daily tender mercies that I cannot deny either. So many family and friends have already been a huge help to me. I can't thank you enough for the part you are doing in working miracles in my life!
So as I look back over the last year and a half, I've seen how my family has grown and how now is the perfect time for this additional child to join our family. It doesn't mean it's not going to be hard along the way. My poor husband is learning the art of making dinner each night. I cannot will myself to do that yet. My girls are old enough to basically care for themselves. Sure, they watch too many movies or play too many games and don't get enough one-on-one time. However, neither of them are in diapers and they both know how to entertain themselves (most of the time). Brooklyn is a huge help when she's home. I probably should have taught them more about how to make their own lunch, but I get through lunch time mostly unharmed. And though having my youngest almost 4 is not what I had in mind when I had another baby, it's going to work for me. It may not work for anyone else, but it works for me.